If I could, I would be perfect just for YOU. [entries|friends|calendar] knife_in_chest [ website | A Killer's Agenda ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Mar 2005|09:57am] okay, so this journal is done for. im moving on to my next one. so please pretty please add me and i'll love you forever. seriously ADD ME USERNAME: letsmake_fire shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[15 Mar 2005|10:10am] I GOT A NEW JOURNAL PLEASE ADD: http://www.livejournal.com/users/letsmake_fire/ so this is wierd/sucky/boring/shitty/tiring. So im a slut. It sucks at times, but shit....i can't help it...i think. I dont wanna hurt people. But yeah, this is so wierd. I dont know if my friends are truly my friends anymore, cuz they're saying shit like..behind my back. Anthony's telling Isabel that im going out with Kelsey. But im not. Like. Idk. Fuck. I dont wanna hurt people. That sucks. I hate school. Polaris makes my head hurt so much. People here are so fucking stupid, its truly incredible. I realized that life on the weekdays are fucking boring. Most of the time i ignore it, but seriously, once monday hits, i get so fucking bored. Since Friday and Saturday, i've been even more and more eager to get on stage and perform. I'm having so much fun with it. I'm tired. Two shows in a row, and then having to deal with the stepmother and lack of sleep....well that pretty much makes me a fucking mess. I can't fucking wait till friday. I get to practice with the band and finally let off some weekday stress. So, this is kind of a lengthy update. I dont really say much anymore....maybe that's my problem. Idk. well....so this is what i figured out about myself this week: I am a slut when it comes to girls. I can't be satisfied with just one. It sucks I'm getting fatter, becuase im getting lazier. Attempts towards excersice and fitness are being made. I'm tired and sore as fuck from playing shows and letting all this stress add up on me. I need a new lj layout. I need some new t-shirts. I need something strong and filled with alchohol to drink. I LEARNED HOW TO DO AN LJ CUT HOORAY ( Public Enemy #1 ) 06 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[13 Mar 2005|02:58pm] this weekend: fucking awesome. friday- the funnest show i've ever played. sat.- the second funnest show i've ever played. and one of my favorite evenings this year rockin. 03 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[09 Mar 2005|09:52am] So, things have gotten alot better since the last update. So im pretty happy. Here's the events from sunday and the picture of my bruise on my arm. (i dont know what the fuck an lj cut is, so bear with me) It hurts Me in Fatburger Anthony in Fatburger This house rules...the peace signs are awesome. (i took it this) Hah. I love this pic. So later on that night, we decided to dress up for a night on the town. We vistited the local Fry's SUpermarket... Fucking HAWT. Yeah, im getting happy. It's good. So, two shows this weekend, who's comin to sseeeee??? <3 015 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[06 Mar 2005|01:45pm] I'm being distant with alot of people. I apologize. I'm trying to get myself through some shitty stuff. The old matt will be back soon...i promise. I love you all. 01 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[03 Mar 2005|09:49am] So things are getting bad again, but im sucking it up. I stayed home from school yesterday, because i was sick as hell. My stepmom didnt like that. We ended up getting in a huge arguement about how much ima peice of shit, im a waste of time money and effort, so on and so forth. I started crying...i told her that since my grandma and grandpa died, shes been pushing away. I told her she doesnt act like im alive. I told her that she is greedy, and doesnt care about me or Dad. She laughed at me. I got upset and punched my wall. I punched it so hard that my arm went through the shitty wall into the bathroom. Then i fell and cried like a pathetic cunt. She left.. I tried to call someone, noone would answer. I called my Mom. Thank god she was home. We talked for a long time...and i felt so much fucking better. Donnae called me back...she told me she walked out of class, so i felt bad. I told her i would call her later. So i calmed myself down and that was it. I sat by myself in my room with complete silence for a few hours. And i was fine. I called Donnae back when she got outta school. Talking to her made me feel better also. She told me how much she worries about me. I felt bad about that also...i dont like it when people worrie about me. I got things straightened out with her regarding all the bullshit that's been going on...and thigns are fine now. My Dad came home later that night. He didnt yell or scream. He just said..."Matthew...i've been thinking about you alot lately...you arent yourself...and its scaring the shit outta me." that was it. No yelling or screaming...no fighting. That was it. Im waiting for something worse to happen. So yeah, that was my wednesday. And now im at school. My arm hurts from the wall. It's swollen and sore. Im fine now. Im not letting it get to me. 06 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

You failed me, you failed us all. [24 Feb 2005|10:58am] Yeah, last night sucked, im getting sicker and sicker, its pissing me off really bad. WOOT MY MOM IS GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND AND TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR THE WEEK YESSSSSSSSSSSSS. I'm so glad, this week has sucked more and more by the day. And im super fucking hungry. Yeah, i realized yesterday how much trouble i have with trusting people. It's sad. I only let like....3 people actually into my bubble. Idk, im a wierd ass person. Sorry. well other than that, things are still goin good. Chelsea is giving me her pants today yessssssss. I think AKA is playing tomorrow. and WOTR. *excited* She makes me smile so fucking much. 03 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[23 Feb 2005|12:30pm] That's WAR OF THE ROSES. Check us out- we're emo. www.myspace.com/waroftheroses Yeah, every day i talk to her, im starting to love her more and more. This week has sucked however, AIMS are such an incredible pain in the ass. I think that if i didnt kick ass at reading and writing, i would totally hate this even more. OH well. I have listened to the new For The Record cd like...92349082302 times. It's really fucking good. 013 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[22 Feb 2005|12:57am] Yeah, things are good. AKA is getting so much fucking better, im so pleased with us right now. Donnae and I are getting closer and closer. Its awesome. So yeah, WHOS GOING TO TASTE OF FUCKING CHOAS? 08 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[16 Feb 2005|11:03am] She's the best. 03 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[15 Feb 2005|10:27am] The stage is my life. 06 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[10 Feb 2005|01:49pm] Well, that sucks. Greeley decided to cancel. And i have no valentine. I do however, have a huge crush on Donnae. Is ANYONE COMING FRIDAY? 09 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

This is my panic. This is my call to arms. [04 Feb 2005|12:18pm] Here we go again.. I've avoided it for so long...and im proud of it. But its come upon me once again. D E P R E S S I O N There's so much shit goin on, that i forgot how to think. I forgot who the fuck i am. I gathered this much. My name is Matt. I am depressed. I need help. It seems like...everyone's to busy to give a shit about my problems. Idk. When everyone else ws in need, i tried my hardest to help. Now im all alone. Sure, someone might care, but they arent gonna waste precious time on such a small thing like me. What's the point right? I'm so drained. Im so sick. And tired of everything. And so fucking alone. I'm so fucking cliche right now i could kill myself. But that would just make me more "emo". Goddamn these fucking people that throw titles on my like that. One look at me and its "Oh....he's emo." There's so much fucking more to me than that. But noone cares. What's wrong with me? Is it my appearance? My voice? What is so wrong with me that noone will come near me? Lindsay says i need a shrink. Wow. There goes my self esteem right out the fucking window. I'm crazy now. That's it. Im fucking crazy. I need a shrink. I've spent so much time on everybody/thing else. I forgot about me. And so did everyone else. I dont have anyone to love. Anyone to care for. Anyone to trust. And here's the funny thing. It's probably all my fucking fault. 010 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[01 Feb 2005|01:20pm] Yeah man. I recently found my old copy of Pokemon Silver, and i havent stopped playing since. I've got 4 badges bitch! woot. 03 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[30 Jan 2005|06:01pm] well this weekend COULD HAVE gotten worse. 05 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[29 Jan 2005|10:54am] Isn't she just so adorable? Hahaha. Thanks for that Kelsey. 03 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[27 Jan 2005|03:33pm] That was the showcase and the barbeque. Enjoy the pictures. 06 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[27 Jan 2005|04:03am] Hey. Yeah, i forgot where the pics to the BBQ are, so be patient. WE HAVE A SHOW THIS FRIDAY. Go to one of our sites for info. I'm nervous. 01 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[23 Jan 2005|08:53am] Last night..was the best night I've had in a while. AKA had a showcase of all the new songs for a couple people, and then we had a BBQ. We shared laughs through the evening, we played with fire, and danced endlessly to hot sexy techno beats. I had fun. Sucks for all you guys that DIDNT GO. pics coming soon. <3? 05 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

[22 Jan 2005|01:00pm] Does anyone read this? Well, next friday is the AKA show at the Brickhouse, and im really stoked. I hope lots of folks show up. I miss the stage. Yeah. So, if you need tickets or info, call me or some shit. Yeah. I cut my foot open. It hurts. It's right on the heel of my left foot. Everytime i walk, i feel the wound open. Its pretty sick. How is everyone? Im in a good mood. Despite recent things happeneing, im blocking it out. It helps. Yeah, i cut my hair....duh. Everyone seems to be okay with it...cept for Donnae...and Brianne...and alot of other chicks. They liked my old hair, but im tired of seeing everyone with the same fucking haircut. It annoys me...im done being a scenester...its best to do your own thing. I'm straightedge now. It's pretty cool..i dont go around screaming it at people..i keep it to myself. I like being clean. I feel like a different person. It's great. Last night was fun. Nate put on spandex pants with no boxers...i couldnt help but stare at his penis. 09 | shots to the torso go ahead and hurt me

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